random ranting...

I am about as good at this blogging thing as I am at journaling...I suck at it. Oh well, that is the joy of it being mine, I get to choose if I use it or not.


I am sitting at Barnes and Noble with Christy; we are "studying." Actually she is off looking for something. She is as bad as I am at keeping focused on stuff. She just got back. It is kinda weird being here with Christy. I always wonder if people are going to think she is cheating on her husband with one of his accountability partners. What they don't understand is I live with them, well not really. Last night I spent the night at their house. Accept I never slept and they did; I just played Play Station all night. I played through an entire season and two off seasons. I won the National Championship both years, yeah for me.


I thought I got away with them not knowing I had been there all night. Little did I know Jason got up to pee as I was leaving. As he was going to the bathroom in the next room he thought I had just left the light on, then he saw the light go off and heard the door open. Dope! I was caught. It was 6am. Oops! Guess what - skipped church. And it was a very painful experience, okay so maybe not.


I gotta get married. I hate girls still - some things never change. But I need a kid to play with bad. I keep praying Jason and Christy will have a baby. I told her last night I am going to change her pills for sugar pills. There are all kinds of cute kids here; I'm not sure what they are doing at a bookstore - they are too young to read.


Christy is convinced I am going to be their nanny one day. Jason vetoed the idea. He is scared his kids would like me more than him. Of course they would - who doesn't. (No comments necessary!!)


The other day we were eating at this cool steak place. If you haven't been to Heitmiller's Family Steakhouse, GO! I became buddies with the kid sitting next to us. Before he left he gave me hug and we were playing games and all kinds of stuff. Mark said if I did that in Maryland someone would shoot me - I'm not sure I could ever live there.


Now on to relatively serious stuff. I love Blue Like Jazz. The guy consistently speaks my life right on the pages in front of me. It is so powerful. He spoke about grace a few weeks ago. It rocked my world. Now he is talking about belief.


I so often feel like he claims. It just doesn't all fit. "I have become an infomercial for God, and I don't even use the product." I talk about this stuff so often, but I don't live like I believe it. It is tough for me. I don't know what it is that has yet to click between my head and my heart and my actions. I keep hoping and praying God will grab a hold of me so tightly that I can't even breathe without begging him to let me. I long to realize I need God that much.