i'm trying...

I am not real good at this because I don't know what to share. I also rarely take time to sit down and think long enough to journal/blog.


I spend a lot of time reading the blogs of many of you who will eventually read this. As could be expected, I feel more comfortable reading and pondering over the thoughts of others than I do making my own thoughts known to others.


For some reason I still haven't discovered, I didn't like myself much this weekend. I don't share that to be psychoanalyzed or to beg for encouragement. I merely share it as a real struggle this week. I need time to ponder what this may mean or be based on. I can't wait for school to end and have time to just sit and listen.


I had some conversations and some thoughts about friends that I think forced me to realize that the large divide that exists between the real me and the me I hope to be is scary. I keep thinking that surely if I "do" enough I have the ability to bridge the divide between the two.


I hate self-discipline or at least my lack of it, but at the same time I live my life trying to pursue more of it. I find myself a difficult person to understand.


I got word from Africa the other day. The resource center is opening, or I guess did open Monday which is nearing two days ago over there. I am so ready to get over there. I am a little nervous about my coming interview though.


I have come to some great conclusions in the last day or two regarding the BF&M. 1. Personal thought - if Paul was willing to overlook his own thoughts of what was right and wrong (eating meat) because it wasn't that big of a deal, should I do the same thing? 2. Thoughts from Mark - If you read the BF&M with the preamble it becomes real easy to support it.


I'm tired of typing on my broken keyboard and need lunch. I bought a new computer. They have been putting it in the box for three days before it can be shipped. However building, testing, etc. took one day. Doesn't make much sense to me.


Have you seen Joan of Arcadia? Once I lost Ed I started recording it. Pretty good stuff. Great sermon starters, but still not Ed.


My prayer - peace and contentment to rest in the arms of God.