Thursday, June 02, 2005

Jazz and Candlelight or People and Parties?

[Listening to: The Night We Called it a Day - Diana Krall - The Look of Love (5:42)]

All of my life the Myers Briggs test has told me I am an extrovert. In the last few years that began to change. I am not sure if that is common or not. Is it supposed to happen? I began to drift towards the introvert side. I am still an extrovert but with many more introvert tendencies than I once held.

How can I be an E and sometimes dislike people so very much?

My relationship with God has always required some form of community. Im not a good quiet time person. Im not good at being quite for that long. I grow with Christ when in community with others who help me strive to look more like him. I slip when I began to move away from community. In the same way as I drift from God my relationships with other people slip.

Today I am either caught in this reality or Ive become incredibly selfish. I think somewhere along the way people became work. I could handle them when it was work but on personal time I wanted to pick and choose who I would and wouldnt spend time with. That is so selfish; so not like Christ. How can I justify this rude behavior?

I am still a bit frustrated but much closer to peace. Im sitting in my living room. Only one roommate is here and he is in the back reading. I am sitting in the dark with only the flicker of a small candle. My JBL portable speakers sit on the coffee table. I put my iPod on the playlist I recently created when I want some good peaceful music. It is almost all jazz. Currently Norah is singing away.

I want to like people, but sometimes I want to be so far from them. What has happened to turn me into this type of person? Is it a slip in where I should be? Is it this place? Is it the people I am in the midst of? How can I begin to become less focused on them and more on the redemption needed inside me? How do I move my focus towards the God who loves me...and them?

Back to Diana Krall. So glad I was ever introduced to her music.