Purging...Finally

Blah
I had to begin this blog by just writing down the topics I wanted to discuss. There is so much that has been rattling around in my brain the last several days and zero time to get it down on paper. It is tough to be so busy and to have no other desire than that life would just slow down.

Community
I am so blessed. I have the opportunity to spend my life in the midst of incredible people. Why has it taken so long for me to recognize the value of the people that have been placed in my life? I have been in Waco for 3½ years and for the most part I have pissed away some of the best relationships I have ever had the opportunity to participate in.

I was in Orlando with my family over Christmas and it hit me how badly I wanted to get home (Waco) to see the people that I loved. It was sparked by a phone call from Jen. She called to get someone to go into her apartment with her since no one was around. I realized at that point the value of other people. I realized that I had wasted so many opportunities to invest in the lives of others and really get to know who they are.

At this point in life I really want nothing more than to share life with these people. I get to learn so much from each of them. I could go on and on with stories about Mark and Jason and Christy and Dwight and Steph and Jen and Mikel and Murph and Aiken and on and on and on. I hope to spend as much time as possible with these people this semester. What in life could be more important than living in the midst of Christian community? I have decided to work harder to treat my chaplain job as more like these types of relationships than work responsibilities.

Chaplain Work
My job has been busy this week but fulfilling. I have pondered not having my small group meetings with CL’s but instead making sure I have one on one time with each of them. I talked to Neil and Cori last week who both brought up a desire to hang out with me but an inability to feel like they could do so. They were stuck in the idea that I was their superior. And while of course I am I still desire to spend time with them. I think I am going to try and figure out how to be their friend rather than their boss, etc.

A Girl
So I met a girl. I have a crush. I’m scared to death of her. I can’t get anyone I talk to, to convince me not to ask her out. I’m a sissy. Jason says do it – what have you got to loose. I don’t even know the girl I just know the limited time I spent with her she impressed me. Laura started trying to figure out ways to help get us in a common situation. I will likely only see her again if I initiate an interaction. We run in different circles with different people. Mark (another one) says go for it. He knows who she is and said he doesn’t see any red flags. I’m scared to death; can’t that be a red flag?

Laura made the comment that stepping out on the line to ask a girl out honors her. I am still trying to decide if I agree with that thought. This thought has really challenged me though. I had decided to contact her when Jason challenged me – I was going to send an email. Rejection is so much easier over email. Then I decided maybe a voicemail. I could call when I knew she would be at work and not actually talk to her.

But if it is truly honoring than I desire to honor her as much as possible (She deserves it.). Therefore I have decided if I ever have the guts I will call and have a conversation. It may hurt or it may be the beginning of something great.

I have never asked out a girl I didn’t know. I have not asked any girl out in three years or more. I am a chicken.

Blogging
I am still trying to figure out what is appropriate to publish online. If said girl runs across this site, I look like an even bigger idiot than I usually look like. If I publish my thoughts and desires and ideas I prove myself to be so much less than I like people to think that I am. I am not sure I am comfortable with that reality.

Therefore I will only give you what I feal comfortable allowing you to read. The rest of my miserable self I will keep to myself or perhaps share only with those who care enough to dig deep enough. Or those who I care enough about to vomit the reality of me upon whether they care or not. That's what freinds are for, right?

Email Response
No word from Africa.