It's All About To Change...

For those who care I am still alive. Mark got on to me today and told me I had to right something.


Quick updates:
Graduation in about 3 weeks (assuming I get everything done).
Africa - Orientation in July, fly out in September. I'm pretty excited. And pretty nervous.
Dentist - I need lots-o-dental-work. Sucks!!


Now the rest:
I watched a movie tonight, 13 Going on 30. Good little flick. I sat and watched the credits at the end. I like to do that although others tend to laugh at me for it. I sat and watched and thought about my own childhood/teenage years. Who was I a jerk to? I know the list couldn't be summed up in one or two names.


I sat pretty discouraged as I thought about people I probably don't remember. I forgot their names long ago. I wondered who they are now and if we would be friends if I hadn't been so up my own butt. I imagine I push these people away everyday. I sure haven't gotten better as I've aged, if anything I've gone downhill.


Soon I'm leaving. I'm leaving Waco. I'm leaving the States. I wonder how I'll change. I wonder if I will become more of a jerk or less of a jerk. Will I ever want to return home? How will God work in my life? Will I allow him to work at all? Will I stop worrying so much what people think about me and at the same time stop worrying so much about what I think about myself?


I'm so behind in the game. I should have learned so much by now that I have yet to figure out. I wish I knew what grace was. I wish I knew how to give it and how to receive it.


I feel as if my mind is running so crazy that I have tons to write and none to write.


I'm scared to go. I'm ready to go. I don't like myself sometimes. I like myself way to much most of the time. I'm way too arrogant. I deal with inferiority. I have a lot of friends. I love my friends. I want to spend more time with them. I'm lonely.


I'm a mess. God loves me. Who the heck knows why? That is not my question to ask.


The end of school is near. I want to quit. I never want to go again. I'm scared to not have classes. I’m so glad I’m single. I want to be married...now.


God loves me. God loves me. God loves me.