Realizing...

I stopped praying.  Not sure when it happened.  I didn’t even realize it had happened until last week.  For some reason I started thinking about prayer and I realized it had been a while.  I was thinking about the future: thinking about jobs, and where I might live, and who I might live with.  I realized I stopped asking for God to direct that.  I want to follow God; I guess it would be important to interact with God in order to receive some of his wisdom.

Spent a few hours talking to an old friend the other day.  Our expectations had put us both in a strange place regarding our relationship.  Finally we moved past some of those things and were able to be friends again.  The chats that finally came where important.  I needed them.  I’d missed my friend.  

Through them I realized something I think I already knew.  The hardest part of being back in the States has been that I’m lonely.  She challenged me to enjoy where I am and be blessed by the time that I have to relax and grow and learn and experience life.  The tough part is I don’t want to do it alone.  I don’t want to sit on the porch and watch the water and read.  I want to get a cup of coffee with someone I love.  I miss friends.  I miss community.  

I realize every sporadic post I write these days is about the same thing.  I’m having a hard time moving out of this rut.  I don’t enjoy writing these days.  I’m not sure what I enjoy right now.  I’m just hanging out.  I cherish the times with my brother and the times I get to spend with friends.