Homecoming Community...

The last week has begun.  A group of us gather together here once a week.  We meet together in a home.  We break bread together, we sing praises together, we enjoy each others presence, we pray together, we discuss scripture together.  Last night was my last.  It will be tough to transition to a different model in the States.  I grew up in the traditional western church model.  It is responsible for my roots.  It is responsible for helping me get where I am today.  But it will be hard to go back to it.  

When I read Acts, I see the church of Jesus’ followers.  They met in homes.  They shared meals.  They shared life.  They worshipped together and played together.  They laughed and cried together.  They lived the life of Christ together.  Seems we’ve lost some of that in the west.  It makes me sad that those who don’t follow the master seem to understand his ideas of community better than those of us who do follow him.

I watch shows like “Friends.”  Sure, there is evidence of a life motivated by something other than Christ.  But they loved one another the way Christians are called to love people.  I’ve become a big fan of the movie version of the musical “Rent.”  A Christian magazine I like slammed it.  They felt it “promoted homosexuality.”  In my opinion it didn’t.  It showed it as a real thing that happens in our world.  I’d like to see believers come to a place of knowing how to love the gay community the way Christ would.  There is a scene in the movie at a cemetery.  It touches me.  I watch how this group lives family.  They love one another, through thick and thin.  They hurt when they have to be away from one another.  They rejoice at chances to be together.

As the States move closer and closer to my reality I long to find community like this.  I had it once.  I still have those guys; we just live in different places now.  Two are in Thailand, two are in Baltimore, two are in Tennessee, and who knows where I’ll be (or when I’ll find the other half of my pair!).  I enter the States differently than ever before.  I won’t be with my best friends.  I won’t be with my parents.  My sister is gone.  I enter a changed person.  Those most responsible for participating in my changing won’t be around me.  It will be a stretch.  I’ll have to learn again how to live life.  But it is all part of the journey.  And oh how I love the journey.

Hurting...

Heartbroken…

I lost something important to me; not sure how to cope without it right now.

Leaving a place I love in about 2½ weeks.  That one is pretty tough too.

Not sure what life looks like without all the people I live around right now.

Feel like I’m living in a state of depression today.  Hoping it will pass soon.

Who's Out There?

My counter tells me where people are looking at my blogs from.  I know some of you, but many I can’t figure out.  Who are Collegeville, Pennsylvania and Elizabeth, New Jersey?

I’m really not sure why some of you keep coming by this blog.  I haven’t written here in ages.  I keep thinking I will get back to it, but then drop the ball.  I’m working one up in response to a comment I got elsewhere.

Stuff I'm Reading...

Closing sentence in an essay: "If we don't pray according to the needs of the heart, we repress our deepest longings. Our prayers may not be rational, and we may be quite aware of that, but if we repress our needs, then those unsaid prayers will fester." - Madeleine L'Engle in Glimpses of Grace

Opening sentence in an essay: "An agnostic is somebody who doesn't know for sure whether there really is a God. That is some people all of the time and all people some of the time." Frederick Buechner in Beyond Words

Truth in a Movie...

I'm sitting in the living room watching a movie I've seen more times than I can count. It isn't even a very good movie, but it is fun and I knew I wouldn't have to pay much attention and could work at the same time.

I'm watching Pure Country. George isn't much of an actor. But it is a fun story of trying to find one's roots. I'm not really writing about the movie because I'm a fan; rather I was impressed by something Grandma Ivy said.

I've had a few conversations lately about asking questions. I notice that as many of us move into a place of seeking and asking questions we have one goal in mind...answers. I was so blessed to go to a school and be surrounded by friends who forced me to ask questions.

Now I'm still not sure I'm much of question asker, but I keep trying. However, over time I've learned one thing. I've learned that asking questions isn't always about finding answers; often the question is more important than the answer.

Earl was asking Grandma Ivy where Wyatt was and she gave him some long answer about a tree growing too fast and something about its roots. Earl had no idea what she was saying and told her he had never heard her answer a question directly. She merely smiled and said, "There are no answers, only the search."

Now she wasn't intending to claim any spiritual truths, but I wonder if she is right. I wonder if Jesus is more interested in our search, our journey, than he is us discovering answers. I guess one day we'll learn, for now I'll just keep searching.

I'm excited that I have a new friend in the search. Two guys helped change my life. Mark and Jason were a big part in me becoming who I am today. Now some might not compliment them on that but I sure do. I'm not yet where I desire to be or where I think I'm created to be. But I give a lot of credit to those two for where I am on the journey. Their faithfulness in our accountability has done wonders for me.

Last week I started to meet with a new guy. Now we are meeting together to live the journey. We are trying to hold one another accountable and ask tough questions about one another's walk; about faith; about life. Together we search. One other thing I think I've learned is that the search is supposed to happen in community. Thankfully I've found some.